‘Acceptance’ (Honourable Mention) and ‘Celestial Rumba’ – Flash! Friday–Vol 2 – 36 | Flash! Friday

The prompt (thunderstorm) and photo (the caves of Queen Tamar) were so good this week that I did two entries (I planned to enter other competitions for the first time this week, so wanted to cut back – thanks Flash! Friday 🙂 )

First one below…

“Acceptance”

@Making_Fiction

159 Words

The caves contain secrets and imprison the shadowlands.

They say that the walls run red, the floors are moist, and bleached bone frameworks jut, jostle and gape at obscene angles within the ceilings.

I am but a child, I cannot possibly understand the caves, they say. I cannot even work, they scold.

I watch the caves and seasons through fractal patterns of encroaching ice, smell the blossom carpets, feel the vengeful summer sun and the hear whispering autumnal thunderstorms.

Two suns ago, I released my precious offering down the well and said my prayer to the spirit-guide.

I run my bony fingers over my legs, full of disease, I do not seek cure – just acceptance.

Today, I return to the well. I have stumbled. Above me, a girl, more beautiful than sunlight on clear water. She holds her hands out to pull me up; she is the first girl willing to touch me.

“I am Tamar,” she says.

via Flash! Friday–Vol 2 – 36 | Flash! Friday.

This one got an Honorable Mention (thank you judge, Betsy).

Here are her comments “Another story that brings its world into focus very quickly with phrases like “bleached bone frameworks jut, jostle and gape at obscene angles within the ceilings.” My other favorite here is “I run my bony fingers over my legs, full of disease” – this conveys a deep sickness that I can really see and feel.”

I was really happy with it, until I thought of something better (which is below).

 

—-

I was so inspired by the prompt it got me thinking and I did a second entry, which is below…

@Making_Fiction
157 Words
“Celestial Rumba”

“It’s been a while,” she says, “shall we?”

He says nothing. A gentleman must always let a lady go first.

She streaks across the sky. Her arc a sensual fan. Her movement a fluid Alemana. She is as blindingly beautiful as when they had their first dance – before the lands, before the oceans, before time had meaning.

“Impressive,” he booms excitedly, “show me more.”

He watches his acrobat of the firmament.

“Those people in the caves – I scare them.”

“No, my dear, they see your beauty. They fear my song!”

He crescendos and they oblige, hiding deeper in the caves. He lip-reads their silent counting…

One-

One-Thousand…Two-One-Thousand…

“Quicker this time…”

She dances.

He sings.

Yet there is always a distance between them.

“Shall we let the kids out?” she asks.

“Rain and Gale already play,” he rumbles, “and lets not risk letting Hail and Fire loose again.”

They dance until they are exhausted, then they rest…until next time.

I have to say, I loved writing this. I was incredibly happy with it and thought it showed how much I’ve learnt over the last few months. To be happy with my writing is very rare, so it was a joy to feel this way.

It seems others really liked it too. It didn’t place – but I infinitely prefer it to the one that got a mention.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s